who is gonna be the danny tanner to my uncle joey ie im your best friend so you let me mooch off you for 10 years in your sick expensive house in san francisco in exchange for occasionally making your kids breakfast and teaching them life lessons
job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job
i need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash
the funniest thing in twilight is when bella thinks that the guy she has a crush on might be a vampire so she goes home and just googles the word “vampire” it’s ridiculous but also exactly what I would do in that situation
life goal: go shopping and never look at the price tag.